So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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