i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
