you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
