Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
