Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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