New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
