the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
