I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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