I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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