idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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