i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
