Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
