The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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