haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
