My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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