come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
