mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
