they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
