So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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