I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
