My friends, they love my intelligence
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
