if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
