I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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