Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
