my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
