were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
