Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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