After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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