Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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