I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
