So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
