somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
