I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
