yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
