Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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