why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
