I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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