Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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