Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
