Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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