shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My ass is underappreciated
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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