SEEEEXXX PLEASE
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
