Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I love having hate sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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