Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
