never play flip cup with pint glasses
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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