your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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