I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
