So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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