I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
