I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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