omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
