About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
