"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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